Passing of Time

As I sit here, relaxing
The usual self-reflection begins.

Years,
Months,
Weeks,
Days,
Hours,
Minutes,
Seconds...
All represent the time that has passed me by.

I sit in awe
At the surprises
Twists and turns
Unexpected discoveries
"What a journey You have planned for me, Ya Allah,
For I could not have guessed
That my life would turn out this way."

I looked back at my old self -
The carefully-planned, self-reliant person
Always seeking to know the details
Fearing any unexpected turns.

I took another glimpse
At several years back -
I see the ill, non-functioning me
Losing capacities, capabilities
I realize now that it was meant
To be a training ground
To lose what's unneeded
And to regain what's essential.

Then I look at me, today -
A whole different person
That I've never planned to be
The result of the 'training years'
And many more of these
That You have specially formulated for me.

How can I ever express, Ya Allah
My immense gratitude to You?
How else can I show, Ya Allah
That I'm truly appreciative of what You Do?

When my prayers are flawed
My understanding of Your Book, insufficient
My knowledge of You, shallow
And my heart still tugs back and forth
Between holding on and letting go?

I repent of my old ways
In which I figured things on my own.

So help me, Ya Allah
And teach me
Hold my hands and guide me
For without Your Compass,
I'd be lost amidst the vast Signs.